When the Bubble Burst
When we pulled out of the Kalahari in Austin, Nicole started to get emotional. It was tough leaving the bubble of the Angelman Family Conference. Little did I know in that moment, that I would have the hardest time when we got back to the real world.
The day after the flight back to Michigan, I felt a little down. We were no longer surrounded by multiple families who knew exactly what we were going through. All the next day I was extremely anxious. It was like my safety net was gone. All of the experts and friendly faces weren’t there to greet me.
So I did something that I haven’t done since before Maddie was born. I went out and picked up a pack of cigars. Thankfully I have the wife that I have. She looked at me, and understood. However, she made it extremely clear that this could not become a habit. I read the message loud and clear, I could slip up for one day, but the next I’d have to get back on the wagon.
I would be lying to myself if I thought leaving the conference was the root cause of my anxiety. To be honest this has been festering for some time now. The conference pushed me over the edge so to speak. Since Maddie’s diagnosis, I’ve gained 35 pounds. Of those 35 pounds, I’ve packed on 20 since April. I’ve been eating my feelings it seems.
The real wake up call when it came to my weight, was when I started using a fitness tracker again. It had been about a year since I had weighed myself on the app. When my new weight came up, the app actually asked me if this weight was me or another individual. I was up 38 pounds from the year prior.
Getting healthier is one of my goals. Since we’ve gotten back, I’ve joined a gym. I know I have to be healthier, in order to care for my little one. I know I have to be healthier in order to be a good partner to Nicole. I’ve started this week to make those choices. I even got four workouts in, two at the gym and two doing housework.
I think my anxiety has lessened. It just felt so good to be among people who understood exactly what we are going through. We bonded with people quickly in our shared diagnosis. We made friendships that will last. It was tough leaving that environment. The bubble we were in burst, but it won’t break me.
-Written by Adam Birchmeier
