The North Star

It has been a sad week in our family. My Grandpa Birchmeier passed away. As one of my aunts so eloquently put it, he was our family’s North Star. He was such a huge part of Maddie’s life and someone I turned to when I needed advice. Now this isn’t a eulogy, my Uncle Norb honored his extraordinary life. This is simply a tribute to the role he played in Maddie’s life.

Even before Maddie was born, my grandfather was there throughout her story. In fact, my grandfather was the first person I told that I was going to marry Nicole. I hadn’t even bought a ring yet. In my grandfather’s infinite wisdom, he simply said, “Well why haven’t you yet?” I explained that I was trying to save up money and this and that. He simply remarked, “Well all that stuff doesn’t matter.”

He was a man of his word. If he said something, he meant it. He would never chastise or belittle you but would offer his council if he thought you needed it. He is someone I strive to be and if I become half the father, brother, man he was, then I will have done something right.

My grandfather was even there when Nicole and I announced that we were pregnant. The first group of people that we told was at our family’s Thanksgiving. Nicole’s mom always hosts Thanksgiving. My dad and my grandfather were always invited to my mother in law’s house. It was special that he was there for our big announcement.

A few months later, the world turned upside down. The Covid-19 pandemic shut everything down. Even though it pained me, I knew we had to keep our distance from my grandfather. I still made my weekly phone calls to him, but not seeing him was hard.

As Maddie’s birth approached, we had an important question to ask my grandpa. We never knew the gender of our baby before she was born. To be honest, Nicole and I were 99.9% sure that Maddie was going to be a boy. However a couple of days before Nicole was to be induced, we took a trip to Saginaw. We had to drop off our dog.

The weather was pretty warm, so we decided to see grandpa. We had a question to ask him, and we wanted to do it in person. So I called my grandpa, and asked him if we could safely come and visit him. The idea was to sit outside and to keep our distance.We figured this was the safest thing to do for him.

As we pulled into his driveway, we saw three chairs sitting out in his front yard. My grandpa was waiting in his garage for us. As soon as we got out of the car, he hugged us both. As my grandpa put it, “I don’t care about keeping my distance.” It was great to see him again.

We all sat down and visited for quite awhile. Nicole and I asked for his permission to use our Grandma Birchmeier’s name, in the slim chance we had a girl. He seemed honored and gave us his blessing. Lo and behold, Madelynn Joan was born a few days later.

After Maddie was born, the weekly phone calls between my grandfather and myself continued. The very first question he’d always ask, “Hey! How’s that baby doing?” He would ask this question without fail, for the next three years. Over and over again, my grandpa wanted to know how his great granddaughter was doing.

Every time Nicole and I would travel to see my mother in law, we would make it a point to see my grandfather as well. My grandpa would always want to hold Maddie and he would always want to play with her. He’d get a kick out of Maddie crawling around on the floor, trying to get into anything and everything she could reach. She especially loved a little statue of a dog that my grandfather had in his living room. Without fail, she would crawl towards that statue and try to give it one of her big wet kisses.

When Maddie started to miss her milestones, my grandpa was very concerned. He’d ask very pointed questions and tell me she was always in his nightly prayers. The day that Maddie was on the cover of the USA Today, I called my grandpa to tell him the news. He told me, “Yeah I know. I saw her picture in the paper when I was at the gas station. I already bought a paper.” He instantly recognized Maddie by just glancing at a news stand. His love for my daughter was real and deep.

He was heartbroken when Maddie was diagnosed with Angelman Syndrome. He told everyone he knew. His love for her never changed. He’d ask me about what Maddie was accomplishing. If he needed clarification on what different things meant, he wouldn’t hesitate to ask. He celebrated all the little milestones that Maddie accomplished. He loved her for her.

In Maddie’s final days, I called my grandpa daily from the hospital. I wanted to keep him in the loop. He always sent his love, he always kept us in his prayers. After the funeral, we gave my grandpa a book full of pictures of Maddie. He kept that book on his end table for the rest of his life.

It’s strange to think that Maddie didn’t know anyone in heaven. I know that’s a human reaction and that it probably doesn’t work that way. There are plenty of our loved ones that preceded Maddie in death, including her namesake, Grandma Birchmeier. However I cannot think of a better man to keep my daughter company while Nicole and I are still on this earth. I cannot think of a better man to safeguard my daughter.

That dog statue now sits in our living room. I look at it and think of our times with my grandpa and Maddie. It brings a smile to my face, and tears to my eyes. I can only imagine their reunion and the smiles they both shared. One day I will see them again. What a great reunion that will be.

-Written by Adam Birchmeier